Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a search helicopter?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
