oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
