So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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