Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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