I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
