Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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