We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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