Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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