Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
