Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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