So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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