I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
