Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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