Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
