Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
