it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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