i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
