The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
