Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ketchup is God's man juice
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
