No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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