I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize