I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
