she woke up with a sticky ear
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
