Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
