Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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