I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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