I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
