Pants 0. Shit 1.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
