you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
