she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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