If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so let's talk penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
