There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
