I showed him my bush... on skype.
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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