idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
