Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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