I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Four minutes until I can fart!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
