you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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