I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
