i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i barfeds in our rink
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
