remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
