if you like me you must not know who I am
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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