Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
