it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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