There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
