At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize