Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
