Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
