she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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