honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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