I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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