there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
