I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize