No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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