Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
