Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
