Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
