she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize