This girl is more easily done than said...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
