Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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