I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
