I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
