Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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