Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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