It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
