i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
