absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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