I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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