And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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