I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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