i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
